Today’s blog will deal with more examples of anxiety and fear. Last blog I talked about my left eye shaking for a time one day. I was worried my vision could be in jeopardy. Thankfully I saw the eye doctor this past week and he told me everything was fine, and that the brief few second shaking was caused by dry eyes. The weather here in the east has been up and down. The cold and dry air can cause dry eyes. He suggested getting an artificial tears eye drop with no preservatives, and it’s definitely helped. I’m glad to sayI’ve had no shaking in the eyes anymore. It’s just another diagnosis to help ease your anxiety.
I want to talk about a blog I read on one of my Facebook groups. It was a reminder of what I went through after my several toe amputation operations. The person on this blog just got her big toe amputated on her right foot and was having a hard time looking at her foot because she felt ashamed or afraid of what people may think of her if they find out she’s missing a toe.
I remember how I felt the first time I saw my right foot missing a big toe after the operation. My foot had to have it’s dressing changed everyday, so you’d see the wound healing and feel a phantom pain where the toe was. It looked like something out of a horror movie. The first thought that comes to your mind is that you have to live with this deformity and how will other people see you. It’s like you lost a sense of normalcy. I already was worried about left foot being hooked up to a wound vac and knew I would lose several toes on my left foot, which were removed on future operations. You’re laying in your hospital bed thinking am I going to walk right again, am I going to lose a foot eventually, and how embarrassing would it be if someone would see these deformities.
After all these thoughts were going around in my head daily I realized the only way to ease my anxiety was to learn to adapt to my deformities. You learn in rehab how to walk again, regain balance, and how to care for your wounds and take care of your feet with daily cleaning and moisturizing. I was so determined to walk again, I really almost forgot I was missing toes. You just want to get back to your everyday living, and learn how maintain good habits to develop a healthy lifestyle.
I would say the day when all my wounds were healed, and I could take a shower, with shower shoes of course, and then start a cleaning and moisturizing exercise every morning is when it finally sunk in where I was. I would never win the prettiest feet award,(ha, ha) I could never could go into a pool or the ocean without water shoes again. I couldn’t walk around the house bare footed anymore, because of my neuropathy and the chance I could get a new wound on my foot. You sit there and look at your feet, and realize the damage you’ve done to yourself, but are grateful you can walk, without assistance. I learned quickly that your friends and family like you for who you are, not if your feet are whole. If you’re starting a new relationship with someone, and they are uncomfortable with your deformity, then they’re not worth the effort. Be proud you can walk, take care of yourself, and help others deal with their fears.
My next blog will deal portion control with a diabetic diet, and how to avoid temptation to fall back to bad habits. Stay safe and healthy!